Warning: Some Spoiler Alerts But Not The Most Important Stuff For the first few hours of reading, I hated Paul Beaumont’s book, A Brief Eternity, so much I wanted to throw it out the window. When I was greeted in the first few paragraphs with a Korean speaking broken english to direct the traffic of new entrants through Heaven’s change rooms after they just finished floating through the sky, the.
Andy flew back to Munich early Sunday morning after a three day visit, leaving me with a week of packing up my life here in Spain before flying out to London Friday morning. A goodbye dinner with some friends is scheduled in for Thursday night but bar that, nothing. Malaga is one of those cities where most people come for just 6-12 months. As a local for nearly 10 now.
I am so fucking sick of inspiration. Honestly. Here is a list of things that have had all the inspiration they once contained mined out of them: – Thomas Edison and his 5 million attempts at the light bulb, – Einstein’s theories on 1% knowledge, 99% perspiration. Or maybe Newton said this. Some scientist with a huge brain anyway, doesn’t really matter who right? – Hellen Keller feeling things with her.
Gah! That moment when you lose your keys! Or think you’ve left your wallet somewhere… or throw your iPhone into a rubbish bin. *cough cough* Maybe you’ve never had that last one happen to you but I’m sure you know the feeling of searching. The feeling of not having something that you need and there’s no immediate way to grasp it. Keys are just the beginning. Jobs. Boyfriends. Answers. After.
“But I don’t have to know an answer. I don’t feel frightened by not knowing things. By being lost in the universe without having any purpose, which is the way it really is as far as I can tell. It doesn’t frighten me. I think it’s much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong.”
Clarifying the purpose of life is one of – if not the – hardest thing to do after leaving faith.
It’s not just the eventual dying away into nothing rather than living on forever in eternal bliss that is disconcerting.
No, no. There’s plenty more where that came from.
When do you make the choice between Mine and Human? When you’re red, shivering and hating life in the line for showers after the La Tomatina Festival…
As for the big questions — Why are we here? What’s the purpose of life? Perhaps those are the wrong questions to be asking. The question I’m asking most now is, How do we make life worth living? What is worth living for? I don’t have an answer yet, and may never find a definitive one. But at least I’m free to ask whatever questions I want, and nobody can tell me I’m wrong for asking them.
The time has come to admit to myself that after four gin and tonics and a couple of tequila shots I am not actually the next Beyonce gracing the dance floor. It cuts deep, really, but there it is.
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