For some, questioning or leaving your childhood faith can be a life altering decision.
I was 25, married and a Pastor at one of the biggest churches in Australia. I’d dedicated my life to the message of Christianity. Having been born into it, I completely believed and wholeheartedly gave everything I had to the cause.
As a Pastor, I felt a responsibility to really be 100% sure that what I was telling people was truth, was actually the Truth, as sometimes I doubted; niggly doubts that would come and go in waves. I felt that the only way I could know for sure was to objectively consider all the other options, from evolution to Buddhism.
Essentially my question was ‘What has Christianity got to hide?’. If it’s the Truth, it will be clear. The power of God and an honest heart is no match for the Enemy’s petty lies.
My own pastor approved the search, prayed over me and kept me accountable. I expected a testimony like Lee Strobel; that I would land at “Christianity MUST Be Real’ based on solid evidence and research.
Instead, it was like falling down the proverbial Rabbit Hole.
In a nutshell, I started to think for myself and couldn’t believe it all anymore. Throughout the whole time I was begging God to reveal Himself, to do something to stem the flow of evidence against His existence. There was no response.
After nearly two years, I resigned as a Pastor, moved cities and a few months later, separated from my husband. A short sentence encompassing a year of incredibly painful and at the same time extremely freeing decisions! I finished studying, travelled and now work in a job I love and am passionate about again.
It was a long journey from there to here. Sometimes it felt like I was in a tiny dingy of ‘Things I Know For Sure’ swirling about on a vast ocean of ‘Things That Turned Out Not To Be True.’. You go through a hundred different stages in working out who you are, what you believe and what that means you should do on waking up every morning.
Without a doubt though, it was all worth it!
The freedom to think for yourself, to discover the world and truth with your own experiences and to accept people without judgement is breathtaking. Liberating. Exhilarating. It’s a huge world and its up to each individual what we make of it.
I write for people going through the same thing, hoping they’ll find a place to feel normal in their period of confusion and a reminder that it’s all going to work out fine.
I write about how it feels to go through the process of your world view shifting so dramatically it’s as if you’ve been asleep your entire life. I write to encourage people to discover what they think is true and to maintain a semblance of normality while doing so.
A lot of friends have gone through the same thing. Some are still Christian. Some are simply spiritual. Some are atheists. But all of them sorted out what they think for themselves and that’s what it’s really about.
If you’d like to write me, I’d love to hear from you!
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