I’ve been hiding something.
Not completely in the closet. Maybe the foot of the skeleton has dangled out a little bit when guests visit, drooping lazily onto the hallway floor so I can casually refer to it at an inappropriate moment for a bit of an entertainment factor when bored.
But today has been a Realisation Day. Today the doors are being flung wide open and I’m dragging that sexy little skeleton into the middle of the lounge room, in all it’s naked, awkward clanging, and hanging my scarves on it.
Here it is, here is my skeleton.
Fundamental Christianity is Ignorance.
I haven’t wanted to say it, like really say it with everything I’ve got, or say anything around it much the past 18 months. In fact I’ve only written about it when I’m literally exploding with a lot of upset.
Why this hesitation?
1. I’m genuinely not a Hater. Live and Let Live is one of the greatest sentences in the English Language. What’s the point of stirring up all that angst? Especially if people are happy.
2. I don’t want to be rude to my friends. And my family. I have many people close to my heart, most importantly my Dad, who genuinely believe in Christianity, love Jesus and are treating me with the beautiful grace that He taught. Writing the above sentence feels a lot like I’m spitting in their eye.
3. I don’t think anyone will read it. The “Old Life” Christian friends won’t read the thoughts because they are offensive / scary / unnecessarily against Jesus and the “New Life” non-christian friends won’t read the thoughts because… well they don’t care. Plenty of other exciting things to focus on.
But the last couple of days, going back over the diaries of the de-conversion experience has made me realise how much other people’s writings opened up my mind. I’d never have left if it weren’t for those people who took the time to write down their experiences and their thoughts and their opinions.
And here’s the other thing: I wasn’t happy. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I was a bit miserable actually if the below sentence is anything to go by.
11th April, 2008
Sometimes I wake up nervous. For no reason. It doesn’t leave for hours. If I could unravel more knots, perhaps I wouldn’t feel that again.
So I’m Out. I’m Writing. You’re getting it all, even if you don’t read it.