Letter to Caitlin Moran

Posted on Jul 28, 2012 in Life | 0 comments

Just ordered Caitlin Moran’s “How To Be A Woman” book for all the women in my life.  Do it.  Do it now.


Dear Caitlin Moran,


Even though I’m a skinny bitch who rocks a pair of pump heels right up to the moment my ankle breaks in half, shooting knee to forehead in  the middle of Chapel Street, I hope we can still be friends.  I’ll confess straight up that I hate Doc Martens. They’re like going for a walk with a pair of bricks strapped to your feet. I do however own a handbag I bought at Kmart for $25.  It was a replacement for the last handbag I managed to wear to every occasion (work, uni, nightclub) for the past 3 years. It was orange, weaved and bought for me by my mum when I thought I’d ‘splash out’ and try a colour; utterly horrible. But do you know how difficult it is to find a handbag that expresses all sides of my personality? ‘Individual’ but still chic, classy but slightly bohemian, fashionable but not victimized?! Impossible.

Primarily because I’m trying to fit in while standing out, a conundrum that has, to date, made me a fairly ordinary person in every sphere except my own mind.


But why am I talking about handbags?! I want to talk to you about feminism! I wrote my second blog on it a couple of days before downloading your book and am now incredibly depressed at my own lack of wit and strength.  My first blog is only a little bit better. What are your thoughts on Chivalry and Sexism?! Is chivalry sexist? Is the expectation or acceptance of Chivalry an acquiesce to being the ‘losing’ sex or is that imbalance just a physical evolutionary fact to get us all bonking more? 


I am keen to know your thoughts but have written this directly after reading only one piece you ever wrote, the book “How To Be A Woman” (my only criticism is that the title lets it down- I genuinely don’t care how someone else thinks I should be a woman and only read the Kindle sample because so many of the reviews said you were funny). I’m sure you’ve already answered it in some form or another. Even possibly in the book which I read so fast I now have hiccups.  I’m re-reading it just in case. 


The real reason I’m writing is that you echoed, so much more entertainingly and lack-of-bitternessly as I ever could, a few of my own thoughts that I’ve hesitated to say; not just to guys but to girl friends as well. Women around me genuinely have “buy an Oroton handbag” as a life goal and don’t WANT to jump off mountains as a hobby.  I’m a revolution waiting to happen!  If I could just find where I left my guts…


And this is why it’s good for me to write imaginary letters to authors and pop stars. Because when I try to put into words my excuses for not being as revolutionary as I want to be; aka “Its really ‘scary’, boys will never want to be with me if what goes on in my head were actually in a public forum, I need friends that are also opinionated so I feel ‘safe’ or that I’m genuinely concerned my conservative Dad might keel over from shock if he learns I understand the meaning of the word ‘masturbate'”, all seem a little… twottle.  I made up a word. Because I think you will understand what I mean and it feels slightly risqué. 


So I have encountered in third person (in a book, as opposed to fourth person which is a mention in a book or article or media item.  This is, to date, the only way I’ve encountered, say, Germaine Greer, among a hundred other people with actual opinions), you, Caitlin Moran.  A funny, successful, honest feminist. It’s a turning point for me and could possibly turn into a complete 360 in my little go-kart of life just from complete joy. Think Mario Kart, yoshi-style. I’m about to consume nearly everything you’ve ever written and considering the effect of the book, its likely to unleash a writing style and openness I will probably regret in 5 years. Which is the only writing style I want because at least I’m regretting what I DID do, not what I DIDNT.


So thanks.






Bit of light reading over your coffee?