“What do you do? What have you done?”
“I’ve travelled. I’ve loved. I’ve worked.”
That’s it pretty much. We work, we love, we experience. I feel like I’ve had a disdain of regular life preached at me every weekend.
Am reading “White Teeth” by Zadie Smith:
“For ridding oneself of faith is like boiling sea-water to retrieve the salt – something is gained but something is lost.”
I don’t miss god or even the idea of a loving, safe, supreme being. I do miss the sense of eternal purpose. The idea that there is something more; some mystical mission and riddle we are all here to solve with a big happy ending. It was like living in the ultimate Game; discover my “mission” from god and work out how to accomplish it! “What will he say to me at the end of my life when I’m standing before his big gold throne? He will be so proud of all the amazing things I’ve done…” And off you go, on a mission to save the world, armed with holy spirits to help you do miracles and Super Baddy Satan on your heels always trying to take you, the Strong Brave Warrior, down.
So yeah forgive me if Im totally over the conversations around love and work and house buying and even travel. So what? Everyone I look at has the same story, is experiencing the same thing; and for what? To die. To be forgotten. You are the person your life decisions impact and you will die anyway. So will anyone you’ve helped or changed or impacted along the way.
It’s all been done before. King Solomon said “meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless.”
I know Christians will see this as ‘longing for eternity” and evidence of “god working on my heart”. It’s not. I would be missing a mystical candy land with flying monkeys and chocolate rivers if I’d grown up being told it was true. Most people I know don’t have this feeling. My theory is that it’s because they were never taught to expect more, so can be satisfied with life as it is, without the need for an elaborate fictitious romantic back story to the experiences of every day life. Maybe I’ll start playing World of Warcraft.