First, a story.
This morning, after typing in details on the ‘Buy Now’ screen, I pulled out my Australian credit card, entered the numbers and hit ‘Enter’ to confirm the first of three payments for an online course about a subject important to me right now.
I had that uneasy feeling in my gut about it.
But, you know how it goes… you rationalise, making your brain speak sense to your stomach:
“This is what it takes to be successful. You need to take risks.”
“Of course it’s not going to feel easy, stop expecting everything to just ‘feel right’ and get on and do it.”
“You’ve run the numbers, this course could pay itself off in just three jobs. Relax.”
Red letters appear on the screen informing me that I don’t have enough money in that bank account right now. It’s just what happens when you have five accounts in different countries all in varying currencies. Just as I was transferring additional money from ‘Savings’ to ‘Spendings’ (something I’m not supposed to be doing anymore now that ‘travel time’ is over) I stopped.
My gut is shaking its head at me again.
If you’ve ever wondered what Christians actually experience when they say God ‘spoke to them’ this is usually what it is. And you can kind of understand why. It literally feels like something outside of yourself is sending you a message. It’s that moment when, despite all logical evidence sitting in front of you, your instincts are screaming just the opposite. We used to teach children that it was as if God had installed a traffic light system; it’s easy to distinguish the ‘Green Go’ feeling from the ‘Red Stop’ feeling.
The problem is, once I realised God wasn’t real I still got these feelings. Not just a traffic light either. I was getting whole damn manifestos about nothing other than the work I did for the church.
Which was, needless to say, confusing.
But back to this morning. I left the transfer where it was, mid description, knowing that, despite the course’s insistence that they were ‘only taking 100 people’ I could still sign up that afternoon after some more thinking.
I returned from a day writing at the beach to an email directing me to a different course for 1/6th of the price with twenty times as much information as the previous one.
I transferred the money, paid the entrance fee and had the first lesson in my inbox within 15 minutes, no further delays. No shakes of the head from the stomach.
In the Old Days, I would’ve said that the Holy Spirit had stopped me from going for the first course, knowing that ‘God had something better for me just around the corner’.
But unless the HS speaks to atheists about saving money on a writing course to help them publish a book about de-conversion and the loss of faith…
…then hearing the Holy Spirit is just the same as ‘Trusting Your Gut’.
Our subconscious is powerful. The way we interpret it’s work on our consciousness, even more so.
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